Songs of my Life

Here are some of the songs I think sum up my life-not all by far, but these are songs I can relate to and love listening to.

"Miscarriage" My Story

A friend had a miscarriage this past week and it reminded me of my own experience in the subject. I was 16 and in a serious relationship with a boy I thought I'd be with forever, Michael. I thought I had it all figured out-and got pregnant a year or so into our relationship. We immediatly were scared, being young and not sure of how your parents will react will do that. Trying to be responsible, we both told our parents and they were for obvious reasons, not pleased. His parents wanted me to give the baby up for adoption or have an abortion. My parents wanted me to figure out what was best for me, but didnt want it to ruin my life. My sisters and others encouraged abortion. I knew then that abortion was not the route I was going to go and I didnt think I could give my child away....so I had pretty much already made my mind up to keep the baby. Since I found out so early in my pregnancy, I was at my second ultra sound when I found out. "There is no heartbeat" the doctor said. My being scared had overcome my joy so being young I really hadnt had time to put all the peices together before that day-and now there wasnt a heartbeat. I left, in shock, holding a picture of my now "dead" baby and called my boyfriend in tears.

I didn't know how to handle the information. Immediatly the doctors had said we needed to either do a D&C or wait until the baby naturally came out, which would be painful with heavy bleeding. I decided to do the D&C and a couple days later we were at the hospital. I woke up crying hysterically, realizing that my baby was now gone. There was no comfort. I went home and didnt get out of bed for 4 days. (Now I know that having the baby naturally would have given me time to heal and put the baby to rest)

I missed all MAP testing and had to make it up later, all the while barely making it through the testing because all I could think about was how a life, my son or daughter was gone. And because I was a teen, everyone thought it was best and I never had a chance to heal.

The pain of the miscarriage didn't just affect me...it affected my boyfriend. He was devestated. I never thought at that age especially that a boy would cry, but he did. It was a horrible reality. We ended up fighting continuosly and it seemed we couldn't get past the loss. 6 months later I ended it abruptly and I still regret the way I handled things to this day. That time in my life is forever in my heart. Losing a life, losing your child can destroy you and after ending my relationship, I binged on alcohol and drugs for over a year, having sex with multiple guys and I didn't care about myself at all. ...

The saving grace of God in this is that he sent me Luke. A man that called me out of the blue one day because he needed a ride somewhere. And we've been inseperable since, God gave me three more beautiful healthy children and I am so grateful and happy. Out of respect for my husband, I talk about it as little as possible.I have only mentioned in  a handful of times but since my friends experience, we have talked about it since-or I have talked and he has listened. And since it was with another man its understandable his being uncomfortable. Since all of this, I have now realized why God tells you to wait until you get married to have sex....the bond between a man and woman when sex is involved can be hard to forget. This is why I have plenty of reasons to give my children the ability to make better choices than I made and to provide them with a stable family and parents that will be there forever. Someday, when its time they will know about my miscarriage.

Jamie Oliver's Food Revolution

Just like everyone else, I want food that is quick, easy and tastes good. And in today's world, that's what we get and what we're used to. Long ago, this was not the case, food was grown locally and disributed in small markets and etc. everything essentially was made from scratch and pretty healthy. Now, we have no idea what we're eating and often our food is coming from places like Quatemala! So, I'm testing myself and my husband to really change our eating habits. Its hard and sense our fridge and pantry already have "bad stuff" in them, I am taking this time to really research the right way to go about it. Whether its making my own bread, planting a garden, etc. I'm no pro and being a busy mom of 3 its a lot to add to my plate. But I am determined and I think if more people knew where their food came from, they would be to. Check this out:

http://www.jamieoliver.com/foundation/

If this information and other research doesn't get you thinking (or caring) I don't know what will!

CMS is not the same as PMS!

So, the other night after a disagreement with my husband, I'm laying in bed thinking about the argument. As I am laying there thinking about how he used words like "nagging", etc. I can't get past the thought that I had that was simply, "I'm not nagging, I'm talking!" And there it hit me, Pre Menstrual Syndrom is NOT the same as Cranky Mom Syndrom. And just because I don't like what you are doing or saying, does not mean that I am PMSing...it could mean I just have an opinion, but it could also mean: I'm CRANKY!

I don't know why it is men always think you must be having your "monthly" because we are cranky, but its a common misconception. From now on I am labeling my bad days with CMS! :)

CMS:
Sleep Deprivation
Kids under age 10
Hungry
Back, Leg pain or other ailment
Sore nipples (Breastfeeding baby)
Doesn't want to cook because of above <----
Etc.

That being said, I love my husband and men have some sort of syndrom to...I'm just not sure what it is yet.... :)