Every now and then I get to pull the "woe is me" card. Now is then. I feel like I am constantly saying to myself, why? Why don't we have enough money? Why don't the boys listen? Why is my husband working so hard? Why is God testing me? Why isn't our families more involved? Why do I have to fight so hard? What am I fighting for? Who are my real friends? Who can I trust? Why is this important? Why am I worrying? Why am I envious? What am I missing? Why? Why? Why?
I feel like I am going insane sometimes asking myself why and never getting an answer. You know when you ask God for something a million times and he doesnt give it to you? And people say "Be careful what you ask for." I feel like thats me...over and over and over and over again. What am I doing wrong here? Am I fighting for the WRONG things? Am I envious of there situation? WHY WHY WHY?!?!?
I keep thinking that eventually it will all make sense. That someday God will bless us in a way we understand....and then somedays I think God is testing me because I'm meant for something greater. Or someday God will bless us financially and we won't struggle so hard. Or I am blessed I am just missing it focusing to much on worldly things......
Well, there is would be wouldn't it. Why DO I CARE? Why? Someday I'm going to be dead right? Someday I'm not going to be able to take my house or my things with me. I have children now and a husband now who love me. If they don't want to be involved-its there loss...if they want to be snobby and snooty and rub it in my face every chance they get, let them. Because I know what I have and I am grateful for what God has given me. My flesh will not win here. The blood of the lamb is over my door....is it over yours?
