Regularly I think about my mother, who are the age of 16 did not want a child and ended up with me. We all know how that happens, but apparently it didnt stop her or my father. So I was born into a world that didnt want me....and after 2 years of physical abuse, including molestation, I was finally taken away from my mother and her husband (not my father). I saw her off and on for years, but the last time I saw her I was about 10 or 11. She was always making excuses why she couldnt come, so it ended. My grandparents only saw me a couple times over the years and quit giving me gifts for birthdays and such when I asked them to come see me instead...
When I was 16, I contacted my dad who I have formed a relationship with and he is involved in our lives as much as he can be with his circumstances. Drugs and alcohol played a part in destroying my fathers life and now he is trying to amend the things he did. He is loving to my children and I have forgiven him for all he put me through.
When I was 17, I contacted my mother who denied all the things I knew to be fact and didnt want to see me. When I wrote her a letter about being pregnant with her first grandchild, she wrote me saying to never contact her again. Of course theres more detail to it, but thats the jist of it. To this day, I have no contact with her....and I hate it. I wish my mom, acted like a mom. I want my children to know their grandmother, to have family.
But that wasnt in my plans and may never be. For now God has blessed me with two parents who adopted me and a family, though not normal and has problems, cares about me. I still feel alone, but I was given a home. And I love my parents, dearly.
When I met my husband, who had been on his own for two years, he also had a broken family. My husband felt it to leave his home at 16, to live on peoples couches and try to figure out where he fit in in this world. At 18 he had an apartment that he shared with another guy and paid his share of bills. He didnt have a car, but rode his skateboard or walked to work everyday. He was turning into his own man. Sure he had problems, but we found eachother broken and all. And fell in love.
Soon we became parents ourselves and it was all to real to us what we wanted to do differently and etc. We've struggled and certaintly aren't perfect, we cuss, we fight, but we love and we love hard. We don't give up and will fight for our family-our boys and eachother. Through the years I've gotten to know what its like to raise kids without a normal family. My husbands parents only come around when its convenient for them and mostly dont come around. We've always been worried about how the kids will handle the favoritism and etc. that goes on between them as well....and as the kids get older we feel the need to protect them more and more. Especially me. I'm a mom and I cannot for the life of me understand why you would have children and walk away, even with them in your house, be uninvolved, let them fail in life. Put your life before theirs.
My husband was unable to stop the cheating his father did while they were children, or the drugs both of his parents participated in, but when he was old enough he was able to change the environment for himself and for his children. We both were. We try and give our children what they don't and its a struggle. I know what God intended family to be, but I also know what God said would happen. For those who follow God, it will be brother against brother and father against son...and so it is. A constant battle for parents who are parents and for grandparents who are grandparents.....but people who were put in our lives, no matter how bad to make us who we are today......
So this is me, thanking God for making our parents NOT parents and NOT grandparents...Thank you for giving us the ability to form our family, to your standards and for loving us enough to do so. I am grateful for your lessons and even though we are alone on this earth in the flesh, our soul is filled with your love and we see it everyday in our children.
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