Grow Up

   I have a screwed up family. Plain and simple. I was born in this hysteria of crazy people. True story. I was born to parents who were to young to have me, went through the foster care system and bounced around until I was 9. I was adopted and I rebelled in every way possible throughout my teen years. I grew up and had a family of my own, now my dad is gone, and I wish I had more time with him. My mother makes certain she has nothing to do with me, my biological grandfather has passed without my ever getting to talk to him again and in the middle of all this, my grandmother (on my dads side) is fighting for her life. Nothing goes as planned, ever. I'm old enough now to know to appreciate those you have around you who love you and care about you and to get rid of those who do not. However, some part of me still thinks I can hold on to those who I want to love me. It's petty, I know.

Through all of this I have learned that I grow, each and every day. I'm not perfect, I fail miserably often. I forgive and apologize and move on. I don't know why God let me go through all of the things he let me go through unless there was some bigger purpose for my life. I still haven't quite figured out what it is yet, but I'm finding that through my husband and I, we could have a powerhouse under God. I mean it, if we could just get our acts together, we could. We're praying for it.

My husband grew up in a very screwy world too, where nothing went right and he always felt less than because of how he was treated. But he got past it all and is a great man because of it. He learned a long time ago to make it on his own, he doesn't worry about what people think or say until it gets to a point that something must be done.

Lately that happened. We're so sick of being second best and treated without respect because we actually try to do the right thing. We aren't perfect but we try to make everyone feel invited and we care about others. We've held onto relationships that have been deteriorating for years and enough has just become ENOUGH. When it comes to a point that the people are flat out telling you that they don't care about you and that you aren't welcome, then you better get the hint, I guess we just didn't. I think we held on to this idea of what family should be for so long that we lost touch with the reality that we lost that battle a long time ago. Sure, we have some great family members, some that make us crazy but are still involved and still very much care about us. But as for the rest of them. We're done. If you don't care enough about us that we are not worth your time, money or respect. Good riddance.

If your not going to be an Aunt, Uncle, Brother, Sister, Cousin, Sister in law, Brother in law, Father in law, etc. in the proper sense of the word, then just say so. If you are so self centered that the only thing you care about is yourself, then stay away from other people, they don't need your drama. Don't pretend to care and don't kiss my ass to make nice. And don't blame us, when your the ones who are screwing up your kids, your life and your family. WE don't need it. And if you think that the way you treat people or the way you live your life is according to God's word, you haven't read it lately. I even know I don't have a guaranteed entrance into Heaven and I'm trying to do the right things according to His word. How can you think that you just deserve to go? No one DESERVES to go.