Human Nature

Our "human nature" begins the day we are born, as time goes on progresses into what we are likely to be or likely to act like for the rest of our lives. Circumstances, events and of course the people that enter and exit our lives change, so we change. For instance, when I was growing up, people kept leaving my life, for no particular reason mind you. They left because they wanted to, because it was all just to "hard" for them. I often wonder-what about me? I didn't just get to get up and walk out the door. Regardless, that is what people did, so as time went on, my nature was not to trust anyone....but that didn't change my longing for love and for people to stay. Even today, its in my nature to grab hold of people and "love" them to death. It's also in my nature to be honest, despite that I lie sometimes (we all do), its my nature to be truthful. I am very uncomfortable lying. Another example for myself would be that I feel the need to control things around me....a very hard "nature" to lose. I don't expect to control people, that's not my goal, but its very hard to have any of these above things happen, or other things happen and for me to not be able to control the outcome. This is where God comes in...for me I am always praying, whether its "Please, God calm me." or "Please, God give me the strength." I am not the perfect Christian (if there is one-which there isn't) but I am avid about asking for his guidance-whether I listen all the time or not is a different story.

But "Human Nature" is something I find baffling at times. People are expected to be different, everyone has their own agendas, experiences, and etc. The thing that makes no sense to me is our ability to treat people badly because of our selfishness. For instance, a man who rapes a woman, is selfish. He wants sex, so he goes out and gets it. A teenage girl that makes fun of another teenage girl, is selfish because she has low self esteem. People who attend a church but never reach out to anyone outside their "comfort zone" are selfish. As Christians its our calling to bring others to God, to glorify him, to get outside our comfort zone and affect others. My experience has been that some of the best friends you'll make are people that make you "uncomfortable" at first. Stop being selfish. Families who abandon children, even if they are not their own, are selfish. Children need us. Get up and do something. There are so many other ways that people are just ignorant and selfish, there really is no way to list them all.

The saying that "people are basically good" is unfortunately NOT true. People are not basically good. People are basically bad. Being a "good" person takes work, lots of it and most of us are to busy in our own lives to even take a second look to how "good" of a person we are actually being. Our nature takes action and we do what we think we must do to survive. This realization has made me think about the many times I have treated people badly and the many times people have treated me badly. It makes me think about what I need to do to be a better person, to not be selfish. And it makes me pray that the people I know who continue to be selfish will realize that they are hurting themselves AND others. Our goal here, in this life should be to gain friends, love and support one another...whether we agree or not (that doesn't mean we sweep everything under the rug, it just means we deal with it). Our nature is to destroy everything...So, we go against it and we fight for what is right, what is God's and we win.

"Complaint Free" Christian

I am NOT a "Complaint Free" Christian.

Several years ago my husband and I passed a church that some family members of ours attended. There was a sign out front that said "Complaint Free Church". My husband made a comment about it and said "Maybe we should be Complaint Free Christians..." He was joking and since then its been a running joke between the two of us.

We have talked about our families and our church friends, the people we know and how everyone (mostly) expects you to be "complaint free". The definition of complain means: to express grief, pain or discontent. The definition of complaint means the same or dissatisfaction or something that is the cause or subject of protest or outcry. How in the world can we be Christians AND complaint free? Why would we not express our dissatisfaction with the world and all it has become? Why would we not outcry (a strong protect or objection) against those things that are against God's will? Our job is to bring others closer to God, to knowing Him and His will.....we are not going to acheive this by living in our own little world and sitting tight making friends, making people comfortable or by just going to church together. Here's a great song that comes to mind:

And another:

Even today I am in a battle with what is both spiritually and naturally wrong. As I am approached with such topics or notions I am constantly asking God "What do I do, What do I say?" Sometimes there is a mix between what God is telling me and what are my personal feelings. I try my best to base my personal feelings on what Gods word says, but sometimes Satan enters your mind. You have to be very careful not to let your gaurd down. Satan's lie to people often comes in the form of someone saying "What will unbelievers think?" For the most part, thats a good question. However, when a "Christian" says they believe in God and the bible and then also says they believe in sinning. What does THAT make unbelievers think? To me it makes them think "Man, they can't even get their stuff straight." Nothing makes us look worse, than being viewed as hypocritical and wavering.

This particular church that had that sign out front, has Christians that believe whatever they want to believe. Some believe in Hell, some think you make your own. Some think being gay is ok, some do not. Some believe in abortion, some don't. Etc. Etc. No one is placing what they believe wholeheartedly on the word of God. Most of them probably haven't read their bibles and if they have pick and choose what they want to believe instead of taking it for what it is. Churches we have attended have had the same view. My husband and I will disagree and agree on many things and one of them that we disagree about is why we go to church. He believes we go to church to listen and talk soley about God. He does not think its a place to be social. I disagree, I think its the very place to be social. We are not called by God to just sit in a sermon on Sunday morning and then walk out the door and hope to retain it until the next Sunday. (And I know my husband does not believe that is what you should do either) But we are to have fellowship, which is by definition: the state of sharing mutual interests, experiences, activities, etc Another definiation says family. We are brothers and sisters that share a common interest: God, our experiences make our lives all very different, but with our common interest we are able to come together, form friendships, relationships and learn from one another. We study the bible together and grow-this is the purpose of the church. Its not a place we go to pretend, make everyone feel all warm inside and save our place in Heaven because we're worried if we don't attend "church" we won't make it there.

Fortunately........and unforunately...I'm a truth seeker. I think I been since the day I was born. Ask anyone that knows me, I question everything and everyone. I so desperatly seek the answers most want to ignore because its outside their comfort zone or doesnt "involve" them. But only God knows a mans heart and only He will know the truth in all things. And although I may not know the truth in a mans heart, I do know the truth of whats natural and Gods. We find many scriptures that anyone can pull out of the bible that say "do not judge" so we are constantly reminded-especially when in an arguement over Gods word that we aren't suppose to judge. However, when read from front to back, its clear what we are and are not suppose to "judge" When our brothers or sisters are sinning, we are to call them out on it, if they do not change, we are to disown them until they do. Its not because we dont love them, but because we do. And sin taints people. When unbelievers are involved, sure we take things a little differently and we minister to them as best we can. It may take time, either way, so lots of praying and persistance is needed. "Judging" within the church is acceptable, here is just one example:

1 Corinthians 5:9-13 (New International Version)

 ⁹ I wrote to you in my letter not to associate with sexually immoral people— ¹⁰ not at all meaning the people of this world who are immoral, or the greedy and swindlers, or idolaters. In that case you would have to leave this world. ¹¹ But now I am writing to you that you must not associate with anyone who claims to be a brother or sister^[a] but is sexually immoral or greedy, an idolater or slanderer, a drunkard or swindler. Do not even eat with such people.

 ¹² What business is it of mine to judge those outside the church? Are you not to judge those inside? ¹³ God will judge those outside. “Expel the wicked person from among you.”

^{So, here we are "Christians" with a million ways of "thinking" and varying life experiences. We are told to put ourselves out there to minister Gods word to those who don't know it. The best way, the only way to do this effectively is knowing it. Corruption or doubt within the church does no one good, that said there will always be something because people do not like to get out of their shells, they don't like causing a rift, or pushing buttons. We find a church we like and we get comfortable, we dont want to lose friends, we want people to like us, we want to sing or act in plays, teach or plan events. No one wants to "complain".}

^{I say do it! Don't be a Complaint Free Christian, COMPLAIN! Do whatever is nesseccary to keep Gods word alive and moving. You can love one another without a facade. As a family, believers, you should be able to say "No, I'm not having a good day." Or in my case, "No its not been a good year." Stand up for what you think is wrong, or what you see wrong within. Don't waver on the word of God, the ten commandments are clear and so is his word. Abortion, Homosexuality, Drunkeness, Cheating, Lieing, Murdering, Raping, Jealousy, Etc. is all wrong, its all sin.  I am not a Complaint Free Christian and I will continue to stand up for the Word as long a I live. I will not waver in my beliefs, no matter how many "friends" I lose or how many "enemies" I make. Because our time here is fleeting, but our time with Him is forever.}





Songs of my Life

Here are some of the songs I think sum up my life-not all by far, but these are songs I can relate to and love listening to.

"Miscarriage" My Story

A friend had a miscarriage this past week and it reminded me of my own experience in the subject. I was 16 and in a serious relationship with a boy I thought I'd be with forever, Michael. I thought I had it all figured out-and got pregnant a year or so into our relationship. We immediatly were scared, being young and not sure of how your parents will react will do that. Trying to be responsible, we both told our parents and they were for obvious reasons, not pleased. His parents wanted me to give the baby up for adoption or have an abortion. My parents wanted me to figure out what was best for me, but didnt want it to ruin my life. My sisters and others encouraged abortion. I knew then that abortion was not the route I was going to go and I didnt think I could give my child away....so I had pretty much already made my mind up to keep the baby. Since I found out so early in my pregnancy, I was at my second ultra sound when I found out. "There is no heartbeat" the doctor said. My being scared had overcome my joy so being young I really hadnt had time to put all the peices together before that day-and now there wasnt a heartbeat. I left, in shock, holding a picture of my now "dead" baby and called my boyfriend in tears.

I didn't know how to handle the information. Immediatly the doctors had said we needed to either do a D&C or wait until the baby naturally came out, which would be painful with heavy bleeding. I decided to do the D&C and a couple days later we were at the hospital. I woke up crying hysterically, realizing that my baby was now gone. There was no comfort. I went home and didnt get out of bed for 4 days. (Now I know that having the baby naturally would have given me time to heal and put the baby to rest)

I missed all MAP testing and had to make it up later, all the while barely making it through the testing because all I could think about was how a life, my son or daughter was gone. And because I was a teen, everyone thought it was best and I never had a chance to heal.

The pain of the miscarriage didn't just affect me...it affected my boyfriend. He was devestated. I never thought at that age especially that a boy would cry, but he did. It was a horrible reality. We ended up fighting continuosly and it seemed we couldn't get past the loss. 6 months later I ended it abruptly and I still regret the way I handled things to this day. That time in my life is forever in my heart. Losing a life, losing your child can destroy you and after ending my relationship, I binged on alcohol and drugs for over a year, having sex with multiple guys and I didn't care about myself at all. ...

The saving grace of God in this is that he sent me Luke. A man that called me out of the blue one day because he needed a ride somewhere. And we've been inseperable since, God gave me three more beautiful healthy children and I am so grateful and happy. Out of respect for my husband, I talk about it as little as possible.I have only mentioned in  a handful of times but since my friends experience, we have talked about it since-or I have talked and he has listened. And since it was with another man its understandable his being uncomfortable. Since all of this, I have now realized why God tells you to wait until you get married to have sex....the bond between a man and woman when sex is involved can be hard to forget. This is why I have plenty of reasons to give my children the ability to make better choices than I made and to provide them with a stable family and parents that will be there forever. Someday, when its time they will know about my miscarriage.

Jamie Oliver's Food Revolution

Just like everyone else, I want food that is quick, easy and tastes good. And in today's world, that's what we get and what we're used to. Long ago, this was not the case, food was grown locally and disributed in small markets and etc. everything essentially was made from scratch and pretty healthy. Now, we have no idea what we're eating and often our food is coming from places like Quatemala! So, I'm testing myself and my husband to really change our eating habits. Its hard and sense our fridge and pantry already have "bad stuff" in them, I am taking this time to really research the right way to go about it. Whether its making my own bread, planting a garden, etc. I'm no pro and being a busy mom of 3 its a lot to add to my plate. But I am determined and I think if more people knew where their food came from, they would be to. Check this out:

http://www.jamieoliver.com/foundation/

If this information and other research doesn't get you thinking (or caring) I don't know what will!

CMS is not the same as PMS!

So, the other night after a disagreement with my husband, I'm laying in bed thinking about the argument. As I am laying there thinking about how he used words like "nagging", etc. I can't get past the thought that I had that was simply, "I'm not nagging, I'm talking!" And there it hit me, Pre Menstrual Syndrom is NOT the same as Cranky Mom Syndrom. And just because I don't like what you are doing or saying, does not mean that I am PMSing...it could mean I just have an opinion, but it could also mean: I'm CRANKY!

I don't know why it is men always think you must be having your "monthly" because we are cranky, but its a common misconception. From now on I am labeling my bad days with CMS! :)

CMS:
Sleep Deprivation
Kids under age 10
Hungry
Back, Leg pain or other ailment
Sore nipples (Breastfeeding baby)
Doesn't want to cook because of above <----
Etc.

That being said, I love my husband and men have some sort of syndrom to...I'm just not sure what it is yet.... :)

Parenting my kids

Everyone's parenting style is different, just like everyones background is different.. So when it comes to parenting I find myself a lone sheep as you will because I'm DIFFERENT. Not to say there arent similiar parenting styles out there, there are and not to say I'm so different no one can relate, because everyone can relate in one way or another. Just in the instance, that no one is quite like me-or my husband. We have approached it head on, just trying to get it right, we don't always and fail often. But everyday we get up (or all night we stay up) being parents.

Its a wonderful thing really, God trusts you with this tiny baby that you have to care for or -it will die. Both physically and spiritually. As they grow, they test you and test you and TEST YOU and TEEESSSSSSTTTTTTT YYOOOOOUUUU! But they are yours and cute and cudly and no one will ever love them more than you do. As my kids grow up I find myself not always being that picture perfect mom, actually more times then not I can say I go man I wish I would have done that differently. But whats done is done and you just try again the next day.

I am raising three wonderful, beautiful, smart boys and they are Gods gift to me and my husband. I get them for a short while, then I am to give them back. I get to watch their first step, feed them their first food and play with them while belly laughs roll out of their mouths. Then I get to watch them learn how to read and I get to teach them what I know....and someday when they get older, I'll know what I get to do then. :) Because right now I have NO clue! I'm learning each and everyday, how to be patient (which isnt a good trait of mine), how to say No, to laugh more and take things less serious, to enjoy smelling the roses and hugs. There is nothing in the world like it. And there is nothing in the world I would trade it for.....

To be continued